It’s January 3rd, and I’m not really sure in what direction my life is supposed to go. Tomorrow is my half birthday. I’ll be 22 this year. Some of my high school friends are already getting engaged. I’ve learned to keep my guard up against the religious folks, who might not even realize that they’re operating under that spirit, and God only knows how and why I let myself get sucked under into beliefs like a tidal wave that take the ground out from my feet and give me an ocean with no land in sight. To exist that spiritually all the time might be commendable, but commendable to who? Only God and I know what feelings I allow myself to suffer every day, and I can’t do this life for anyone but myself, not for one second. I get to feel grounded, I get to pursue success in an Earthly world, and that does not make me better or worse than those religious people – we are all in this together, and I could see the world in terms of black and white, heaven and hell, desire and control, movement and stillness, and I could find enemies surrounding me if I so fear the people of the world who are different from me, or I could step back into grounds I know and call the religious curiosity an adventure, a lesson, a veering off of my course. My course is mine when it is 100% about me and no exterior motivations are found, anywhere. That is what Jesus would want for me, and if not, then I don’t want him. Am I lost in some story for believing in him? Isn’t everything a story, and isn’t that okay? When did a little imagination hurt anyone. What’s wrong is when people stand up to proclaim that they’re right and you’re wrong, or that they have something that you don’t that you definitely need. Whatever makes people feel safe and loved in this world, that’s what they should have, that’s what they should get, and that is the energy that they should receive. And the thing is, that’s going to be a different something for everyone.